Tragic Glass

If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would not believe it could happen. Glassware that loses its composure--quite literally.

When I was newly separated, I found myself in dire need of typical household supplies. I needed the basics, and I needed them immediately. I was forced to go purchase most of these items, and I had carefullly plotted the absolute best order to obtain the items so I could budget my purchases and not find my self completely broke.

Many people, primarily friends and family, donated a lot of items; easing the burden of trying to find them at garage sales or going to spendy department stores. This particular story is about one of those donated items.

Tim showed up at my bare-bones apartment, grinning widely with two unopened boxes of drinking glasses. "Hey I got these two boxes of glasses for a cheap-assed price! They were only $2.00 per box!", he said. I thought this was a really cool thing, and I had currently in my inventory - four plastic tumblers and a set of four child tupperware cups with two lids. I graciously accept the dusty boxes and put each glass in the dishwasher.

My set of twenty matching glasses has dwindled down to about eight or nine. They are very, very unstable. The best way to put it is: these glasses have spontaneous tragedies.

One day, I bent over and picked up a half-empty glass to go top it off with some Pepsi. I stood up and the bottom fell out of the glass--just like that. Pepsi spilled all over the floor and anybody that knows me knows my head fell off because of the mess that I just made. Upon closer inspection, we noticed that some of the glasses were asymetrical, or lopsided. At least this was the theory.

Over the next few years, several more glasses suffered various catastrophes. A few months ago, Tim set one of the glasses on the counter, filled it with Pepsi and made his way back to the livingroom. Everywhere he set the glass, a small puddle would appear. Every time he picked the glass up, liquid would drip onto his shirt. Honestly, I thought he was either lacking in coordination or just a slob. He kept exlcaiming "What the hell", but continued to attempt to drink from the glass. Once he finally examined the glass, he noticed a very tiny crack around the edge where the glass side meets the bottom. The death of another glass.

In a similar incedent, I filled a glass with Pepsi, turned around to put the Pepsi in the refrigerator. When I reached to pick up the glass, I noticed spillage all over the counter. I knew for a fact that I always wait to turn away until the fizz went down, and this time was no exception. I pick the glass up, and it began to "PEE" a stream of Pepsi out of a whole the size of a 'BB', once again--at the bottom of the glass along the seam. I covered the hole to get the glass to the sink; being mindful to not cut myself on the edges, and poured the contents out and tossed the glass in the recycling bin.

Several glasses just did not survive the dishwasher. I would open the door, pull out the rack and start pulling the glasses and cups out to put them away. Some of them had no bottom to them, just a tube of glass. I had to re-wash the dishes by hand; fearful that small glass particles had made their way into the bowls or sauce pans and we would surely all hemorage from ingesting them.

I have recently decided to induct the two most irregular of what remains of the set into a glassware hall of fame of sorts. This way, I can always use them as a visual aid or conversation piece.

I am afraid that very soon I will have to venture out and buy some new glassware; however, I don't think I'll be looking for a bargain when I do.

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01 July - perotheus.com
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