the best part of waking up

-| ME?? Mortal!? Get a Grip! |-
[What do you mean I'm not going to live forever?]

Approximately twice a year, I have some type of epiphany, wherein I discover that I am in fact--mortal.

During these times, I suffer from insomnia, and sometimes self pity.

I am bored. I could not be more bored than I am right now; therefore, I am going to type a bunch of rambling random thoughts as they pass through my cluttered brain.

People often ask me 'is it cold there?'. How does one exactly answer this question? You don't know what temperature they consider cold. If I were to ask someone in Florida or Hawaii "is it cold there" they may consider SIXTY cold. When its forty degrees Fahrenheit outside, I do not consider that cold. Cooler weather, maybe but COLD? COLD is ... 5 Degrees (F). Even say 15 degrees. If you are not dressed for it, and have to be exposed for a long period of time, I think it is safe to say that ... 30-40 degrees could be cold enough to prevent you from being comfortable. But, to me, forty is not really that cold. On that note, I close this thought for the time being.

I often wonder, as I sit here on line with an empty buddy list; which is brimming with potential conversation should any one of the 44 people on the list actually sign on, AM I THE ONLY PERSON WITHOUT A LIFE????? WHERE in the [hell] is everyone!? I have to say, I have not seen most of you in a while; some of you are there but we rarely speak. I am not saying we do not speak due to your lack of speaking to me, rather it is a mutual lack of conversation. WHAT causes this? We obviously had something to talk about at one point, or we would not have added the names to our buddy list in the first place, right?

It is easy to take life for granted. We get busy with day to day obligations and tasks, and eventually realize that its been months since we contacted an old friend who moved away; or weeks since we called our families. When we call them or write them we feel obligated to offer some form of explanation of WHY they have not heard from us in such a long time. "I've been so busy, you just would not believe it". Busy doing what? they may ask "Tell me everything that has been going on with you this past seven months I would love to know how you are doing."

We sit there with the phone cradled in our hand; and not ONE thing stands out in our minds that has occupied so much of our time. We sit there, struggling, grasping for anything to say that might sound interesting and less pathetic than "working and ... watching re-runs of 70's television sit-coms every night." We know this sounds very pathetic, and we would be ashamed to admit that we opted to do no more than subject ourselves to re-runs of television shows we grew up on than take the time to keep in touch with those we once held dear.

In our day-to-day lives, it is so easy to get caught up in "all of the things we NEED to get done." WHY are these things so important? Can some of them NOT wait? We are too quick to put off the dentist appointments in our lives; but we will rush home to catch the last of whatever mini-series is on television and even order take out rather than have to cook dinner.

So here I am, sitting at the computer, connected by modem, to a vast network we call the internet; through a service provider offered by the telephone company. Running a community type service, staring at an empty buddy list. I do this, rather than take the dog for a run in the park, or calling my family and friends. I do this ? rather than standing quietly in the doorway of my five year old daughters bedroom watching her play, unnoticed. ? I'm out of here.

I will be back on, eventually, but I am sort of bored with the whole concept, and think I need to re-evaluate some things to figure out what is what and who is whom. I'll keep in touch through email and from time to time you may see me on. Feel free to drop a How-D my way if ya do.

Best Wishes to you in 2001