10 Things I Wish I Could Have

(but never will, and why)
An assignment given by LT:

1] A Fully Functional Submarine - Privacy, Security and timeless design... what better use for this than as a Mobile Vacation home? I'd need to find a handful of friends to help with operations but what the hell - who's up for some adventure?

Why I cannot have this: I know I cannot have this because the government will not allow me to have a fully functional submarine.
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2] An 18-hole Private Golf Course (in my back yard) - Built around a wildlife preserve, with acres of perfect turf; which would be maintained by the four to five turf-management technicians. Oh yes and it would come with an Olympic-sized pool.

Why I cannot have this: I see no reason why I could not have this, other than I'd have to purchase homes around my 'hood and demolish them to build it; and I am not really willing to put all of those families on the street.
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3] The Batmobile - It was a toss-up between that and an Indy Car, however; I have serious doubts on whether or not the Indy Car would be street legal. Considering The Batmobile can be seen crusing the streets at night -- I think it's a safe bet.

Why I cannot have this: Unfortunately, some other bastard owns the Batmobile, and I did call him and ask him how much he wanted. You would not believe the price that greedy bastard quoted.<
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4] A 1997 Bentley Azure convertible - Just because I want something to drive when I'm not using the Batmobile (which would be inappropriate when I'm not saving the world, or on those nights where I need something more formal.

Why I cannot have this: This is a car that I will not be able to afford because I have yet to manage to rig the lottery to my favor.
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5] Emeril Lagasse as my personal chef - Spicy food cooked with butter and garlic. Granted, many people have had their fill of this guy; but I respect his cooking methods. The common ingredients in the stuff he cooks are at the top of my list of favorites. I bet he could even find a way to grant my wish to eat some kind of cheese at every meal.

Why I cannot have this: Well I did some research and found out that Mr. Lagasse is too busy with his restaurants, television show, other public appearances and publishing cookbooks to be my personal chef. I also think that it just might be illegal to force a person to work for you against their will. That law was passed sometime during the Lincoln Presidency.
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6] The Deed stating my Sole Ownership of Route 66 - My very own stretch of highway. A highly recognizable interstate, it isn't often that you run into a person who has not heard of it. I would want to purchase this simply so I would be associated with something so widely recognized.

Why I cannot have this: Unfortunately, I this particular chunk of land is for sale; not to mention the hassle it would be to attempt to get each state to keep the litter picked up along the sides of the road.
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7] The Verizon Wireless Guy's ["Can You Hear Me Now?"] Shrunken Head on a Stick - Do I really need to explain this one? [In case the answer to this question is "yes"] Not only would it rid us of having to see the commercials, but it would also look great in my trophy case. I have grown tired of the guy. If companies that find themselves in a golden moment of advertising would know when the fun was over and exit gracefully, I would not have this on my list.

Why I cannot have this: While this would be a great item for the coffee table and a fantastic conversation piece, I think I would go to PRISON if I actually made a shrunken head. But it would be fun to let my friends pick it up and scream "Can you hear ME now?" at it.
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8] A Double-Platinum Album of my "Greatest Hits" - Mainly because I need something to put next to the shelf I have reserved for my three Oscars and my Golden Globe Award, and I really feel the platinum would compliment the golden hue of the anticipated awards.

Why I cannot have this: While I love music and singing... I am not even close to being Frank Sinatra.
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9] An expansive aquarium built around the walls of my home - Full of colorful fish, coral and seahorses, and a separate shark tank; like the Oregon Coast Aquarium. You know with the wall being glass. It would be a window to the ocean world. I would have a person to clean this for me of course.

Why I cannot have this: This would be great, however; my home is only around 1350 square feet, and state water conservation would be on my ass constantly.
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10] A secret underground lair, complete with an expansive array of surveillance equipment and a full staff of mad scientist inventors similar to the ones James Bond has. It would have a hidden entrance that would be underwater, which would be concealed by coral reef. and only accessible to me from my submarine, and an exits along Route 66. This is where the Batmobile would become extremely useful.

Why I cannot have this: Since I won't have most of the needed possessions to accomplish that setup, I won't be getting this lair, either.
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02 Apr 2003- perotheus.com
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