-| Being Alone |-
[it's not so bad]
I could not have said it better myself, Mr. Lowell.
I go through cycles of insomnia, self-pity, and then back to myself; which means I am still cynical but I hide it a little better.There are times, when I am feeling down that I simply cannot decide if I want to be surrounded by people, or if I just need to be in complete solitude. I often seek company on-line, and usually find comfort that my friends are there as I anticipated. But there are also times when, even though I am happy to see them and enjoy their company, it just doesn't make me feel better. I have not determined the reason for this.
Those of you that have read all of these little auto-biographical rants know that I have a tendency to get strangely aloof from time to time. I think I am coming up on one of those periods of "I need some time for ME," for which I am notorious. Usually, they are short lived, and I am back to myself within a week or two.
I believe the longest stretch was a few years ago and that actually lasted forty days. I had this brilliant plan. Since I was feeling the need for some time away from the internet underworld; and Lent was approaching, I would use that to my advantage and give myself a reason to NOT give in to any urges to sign on just to see if anything had changed.
During these times of self-inflicted detachment, I often do an extraordinary amount of writing. I write until I have nothing else to say, and then I save the stories for times that I have writer's block and then I tap into the reserves and have a story to post. [That is cheating, isn't it? I do keep the original dating on the stories, and post them in the order that they were written to absolve any guilt that may result in having cheated.] By looking at the dates on the contents pages of the rants, you can see that at times they are posted more frequently than others. I only wish I could sit down and write just because I feel obligated; however, I am not capable of that. What I do instead is write when I have something to say; and then let the dry spells pass when they do come along.
Recently, I discovered that the former title "The Semi-Weekly Rant" was inappropriate for the frequency of my story postings. Semi-weekly, it turned out, meant twice a week; not every other week like I originally thought. I knew there was no way I could possibly dedicate myself to writing twice weekly. I do not like the way "Bi-weekly" sounds, so I am currently on a quest to find a new title for it. Although many people have made suggestions and given feedback, I have not found a new name for this section. So far the most amusing was "The Obligatory Rant". I could also use "Musings of a Cynic" with a subtitle - the intermittent rant.
After receiving many, many suggestions I have decided on a name -- Random Rants, with the subtitle- obligitory writings. I feel the title fits both my writing style and the frequency of my publishing; giving an indication that I write when I have something to say, not just because I have a deadline. I was flattered that some of my readers encouraged me to write twice weekly anyway; however a few of them cried out for "quality, not quantity." Ask and ye shall receive.
The sub-title really is there in an attempt at humor; I write the essays for myself -- I publish them for my readers. Recently, I was trying to work through some problems and simply had too much happening to write anything. Some readers made playful comments when I took too long to write. A few people with good intentions tried to help me overcome the writer's block; but sometimes nothing can really help. Eventually the writer's block resolved itself. I hope to bring more stories to you all very soon.
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22 June 2002 - perotheus.com
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