[after alot of thought... ]
If I could be any superhero I wanted to be...
Believe it or not, I have analyzed this to death. Yes, really--ME--analyzing
something. This rant will outline my conclusions.
SUPERMAN - Superman is an alien and no woman in her right mind would sleep with someone from outer space if they knew the truth. Besides that, Superman is a freak. Anyone who would panic if you said, "HERE -- catch!," as you tossed him a green rock - has got to have some major underlying issues. Man of steel? Maybe, but steel isn't indestructible.
SPIDERMAN - Now there's a guy with a problem. Can you imagine the mess he finds himself in if he has a bad dream or something ? Wake up in a massive web cocoon. (I guess that would be a WEB DREAM?) That, and there are a lot of people who just don't like bugs. I realize spiders are not insects. But the term BUGS pretty much is all inclusive. (Didn't you see the movie THE FLY? that is just not right). I would think he would just be glad that he didn't grow more legs.
AQUAMAN - I know very little about the guy. The site I went to - brought a lot to light I hadn't considered before. From what I learned, he isn't very useful once he's on dry land; he doesn't actually DO much of anything, and he is not very popular.
THE FLASH - I would think that this would only escalate the lack of patience I have when people are slow. Again, the research I did brought to light that he must be an extremely frustrated person; having to be in the world where people don't even pay attention to the fact the light has changed and they may now proceed across the intersection. Talk about road rage.
ICEMAN - I don't know, the whole GLOBAL WARMING thing must be a major concern to him; or MAYBE he is the solution? WHY hasn't he been called? Besides, what would his girlfriend warm her feet on at night?
WONDER WOMAN - Out of the question - (obviously). Ever wonder what people thought when she was in that invisible jet but you could still see her? Sitting there gliding around like she had not a care in the world? This might be why she sells contact lenses for a living.
MORK - Ok, so Mork isn't really a super hero. But he dressed like one. He had special powers. Telekinesis, telepathy, and a sundry of other things. The outer space thing with the chicks also applies to him. Need we really get into the details of his EGG fetish?
UNDERDOG - Well, I've always heard that Janitors make pretty decent money. I like to clean, however... we can't overlook his drug dependency.
POPEYE - Popeye is pretty cool, however he isn't a big guy. Hey, at least he is from Earth. He has a steady girlfriend, even if she isn't the most beautiful woman-he loves her anyway, which means he has to be a pretty good guy. He eats healthy, he's tough enough to get a tattoo and has a pet named Jeep (whatever a JEEP is). But he smokes, which I refuse to start doing.
CAPTAIN CAVEMAN - Did he ever really accomplish much? He was short and hairy and had a big nose. I remember he had a yell that could, um...for lack of a better analogy, "Rock Your World". The chicks adored him. Other than that, I don't know a whole lot about the guy.
GREEN LANTERN - His power exudes from a ring. I'm not much for jewelry really, and I'd be afraid I'd get mugged. The research I did revealed that his weakness is the color yellow. Batman's roadie, Robin has a yellow cape. What happens when they show up at the same crime scene? Robin, who can't make a decision without Batman, and the Green Lantern who is rendered powerless by the yellow cape?
BATMAN - In some ways, I'm already a lot like Batman. He is just a regular guy; (like me) with too much money, (don't I wish!) and lots of neat toys, (again-not me but--let's move on to ways I am like Batman) and a bad-ass automobile (yah, so mine isn't quite as cool) he goes out at night, in uniform (hey i work at night AND wear a uniform) in the darkness of a city, (also like me) helping people in need. (do we really need any more proof) ?
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18 Jan 2002- perotheus.com
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