No Soliciting

This Means You

"If your goal is to try to annoy me, you are way ahead of yourself," I said to the young woman standing at my door.

She apparently missed the "No Soliciting" sign hanging just above my doorbell button. I was walking through the house, on my way to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee when the doorbell rang -- not once but three times in rapid succession.

The dog is barking frantically, because he knows as well as I do that anybody that I actually know knocks instead of ringing the doorbell. (Anybody that I know is aware of how much I hate the doorbell.)

I open the door and an overly-enthusiastic barely out of her teens if at all young woman lunges at me, causing me to step back.

"Hi! have you voted for anyone in the (something-said-so-fast-I-could-not-make-it-out)?"

"Um, I didn't know there was an election," I said. Looking at her like she was insane. She was wearing a too small t-shirt for her too-large frame. Not to be rude, it's just that she was dressed like Daisy Duke and built more like Uncle Jesse.

"Oh it's not political or anything. I'm like earning money for COLLEGE!" she bounced as she spoke.

"I don't have any money to give you, If your goal is to try to annoy me, you are way ahead of yourself," I said I say as I start to close the door.

"Oh you don't have to pay anything! All you have to do is answer three questions!" she beamed, bouncing some more.

With a heavy sigh of resignation, not quite admiring her persistence as much as tolerating it, I say, "Ok, shoot, but make it fast, my dog is in the tub and he can't swim." (My standard line to get rid of anybody at the door or on the phone when I need to get away from them).

"What's your name?"

"Aaron" (get to the point, I think to myself.)

"Cool! Where are you from, and don't say 'my mother' or 'a twinkle in my father's eye'."

Ok, I couldn't come up with anything sarcastic or witty on the spot. I am full of "shoulda saids..." right now. "Portland". I said, already wishing I had made something up.

"If you had any super-hero power - just one- what would it be?"

"I am batman, I don't need any powers." I said.

:blank stare:

"Just make something up," I told her, disappointed that she didn't get what I had said.

Looking disappointed, she left. Made me wish that "J", my Mary-Kay® selling girlfriend had been here so I could let her try to recruit the over-enthusiastic colligate.

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10 April 2003 - perotheus.com
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