Banana Conspiracy

I am not sure if I really believe it's a conspiracy. I suppose, that there would be no other way to describe these events than to call them one.

It's happened to everyone at some point in their lives. Probably more than once; and no doubt it always happens when you are trying to stick to a schedule. You have to be somewhere in half an hour. The dreaded toilet clog. You flush.The water rises. It over-flows. With lightning fast reflexes, you take the cover off the tank and pull up on the float arm. Whew! prevented that disaster.

You wait patiently for the water in the bowl to go down to a safe enough level that you can release the float arm with peace of mind. You ponder what caused this sudden lack of clearance in the pipes, since you haven't even been home. I was lucky enough to be supplied with an answer, and I think I would have been better off if I had been left to wonder.

My daughter, for once in the seven years of her existence, ratted out her Uncle Tim. At first I was too shocked by this betrayal on her part to even fully comprehend what she was trying to tell me. My kid NEVER EVER rats out Tim. Call it a conspiracy against me, or maybe its just a pact; those two cover up for each other so faithfully that no amount of money or torture could get one to surrender the other for any reason. This time, for some reason that I cannot explain, she decided to let the cat out of the bag.

I always clean the toilets before I leave for the weekend. My method for this is pretty elementary. I flush the toilet; and when the bowl is empty, I pour bleach in and brush it around. Then, I let the bowl fill up and have peace of mind that the now-chlorinated water will stand guard and prevent a ring from forming while I am away. (I don't know why, but I have always done it this way.)

Poised, bleach bottle in hand, I flushed, but instead of the expected drop in water level, it quickly rose so fast that it could have potentially caused a National Disaster right in my house. I uttered some expletive in both suprise and annoyance, knowing that my schedule was going to surely be screwed up. I put the bottle down so I could get the lid to the tank removed in time to avoid the flood. "What the ---- ?" I said.

While I'm waiting to see if the water will actually spill over the rim, I hear my daughter coming down the hall saying, "... no his hands are in the toilet because it is flooding". Then, she stopped talking and started giggling. She looks at me and says "Uncle Tim is on the phone." I didn't even notice that the phone had been ringing.

I can only hear one side of the conversation, and it certainly isn't giving me much to go on as far as deductive reasoning is concerned. Just my child standing in the door, with the phone laughing hysterically. "You are so silly!", she said, and started giggling again. "Okay! Goodbye!"

She looked at me and said, "Okay. I'm not supposed to TELL you--but, Uncle Tim says it's probably because of the banana he put in there before, and he will just call you later." It took me a few seconds to comprehend what was just said. It wasn't logical enough for me to accept right away.

"I'm sorry, did you say a BANANA got flushed down the toilet?" I asked my child, who was standing in the doorway with her backpack in hand.

"Uh-huh," She replied, grinning. "Uncle Tim said he changed his mind and didn't want it, and he said he came in here and flushed it!" (Again with the giggling.) "He is SO FUNNY!"

I'm wondering, What was he THINKING?, I have a designated place for trash called a trash CAN, which is convienently enough, located right in the kitchen. Not to mention a garbage disposal that has a sole purpose of disposing of unworthy food to begin with? Is he SERIOUS?

"WHY didn't he just throw it away?" I ask her.

"I don't know!, It's UNCLE TIM! He's so silly!" she says and starts laughing again.

I made a mental note to ask him about it later, since we were going to be late now. Catastrophe avoided, we finally got out the door and on our way.

I did eventually ask Tim if he really flushed a banana down the toilet at my house. He looked at me with this stupid grin on his face and said "Do you actually think I would do something like that?"

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27 Mar - perotheus.com

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