Old Stuff Remembered

Recently, I was asked by an online friend if I remembered an old weblog she used to keep. While looking through every old url.blog.com name I could remember–a real workout for an old brain like mine– I ran across this, posted by Tim, on one of her old “blogs”. I had forgotten about it. I think it is pretty funny, so here it is…

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

i really have no reason to come here today and post something just so that all of you people who keep dropping in just to see if these damned rats are still here can finally breathe and say…

THANK YOU, MIGHTY WULPH, FOR PUTTING SOMETHING ELSE HERE!

yah, maybe that is a bit of a stretch with the self-assumed praise. gimme a break, the id and ego and alter ego all get carried away from time to time, and i cannot help it.

I recently feh-cked up and broke a very good friend’s laptop. he had asked me to find a good deal on a replacement LCD display for the one that had a short. i found one for about 3 hundred bucks less than everyone else wanted for it and he bought it. when it came by 2 day delivery, he was happy — but he had to go to work. i was at his house so i could watch the adult movies i had programmed his new tivo to record without his permission, but then he is used to me doing things like that without regard to his feelings — i think.

so anyway the last thing he said to me as he stepped out his front door was … “don’t put that LCD on for me, i’d like to try to do it myself.” well, before he had said that to me, i had already started mapping out in my head where the tools were and had selected the surface on which i would get to fix something electronic. i love working and taking things apart. its fun.

well i broke it. broke it fubar broke it. the thing is i didn’t start working on it until the next day because i got involved in the previously mentioned recorded programming. so he comes home, and i have the thing in about fifty pieces. when i was attempting to push a molex cable (like the end with the plastic head on the end of the wires) through a hole that was seemingly smaller than the cable head itself, i broke a wire. it ripped out of the connector end of the cable. right after that he comes back in the door. so i try to boot the computer. [it chimes the way a mac does] … dead black screen. mocking me. he sighed. he ran his fingers through the hair on top of his head. he said… well, that isn’t good at all. and he left the room. i solder the wire back and this time when i boot the computer it chimes. the screen lights up. but no picture displays. so he calls it as a time of death thing. (DOE / dead on examination) and he says nothing more.

so … this past weekend when we were out running around town, i paid for part of the new laptop he has. he seems happy. the amazing thing is … he never once said anything about it being my fault.
posted by tim at 11:14 AM

Like any good sit-com, there is always more than one person’s account of an event.

Eye-Stab

I have very little “NEW” things to write about, but I seem to have a lot of things going on that I have written about in the past. For example, the headaches have returned; coming on suddenly and forcefully. While I am not getting them quite as often as I had been– but I have had a few in the last months, a few of them were excruciating. I have medication for them, but I usually don’t take it until the headache has progressed to the point that I am considering praying for a merciful death. It isn’t that I want to suffer, but I have never been one to want to take a lot of medication. I carry a tablet or two with me in case I am stricken with the eye-stab, but that is only because once the headache arrives – I usually cannot see well enough to drive safely.

Today is one of my off-from-work days. I woke up at six. Which is actually “sleeping in”– if you consider the fact that on a normal work day I am already THERE by six. The problem is… when I have the opportunity to sleep late… I wake up early; when I have to get up early… all I really want to do is remain asleep.

I don’t have to work today, so why am I awake this early in the morning? Usually, I struggle to stay asleep throughout the night and then sleep. When it is time to get up, I rarely feel ready to do so.

Since my brain is often spinning with ideas and random thoughts (when it is idle and not occupied by a given task), I recently started storing my laptop under my bed for such an occasion. (I had previously tried keeping a note-pad and pencil on the night table, but the cat seems to think that any lightweight object that is on a low table is there for him to steal.) When I did use the note pad and pencil, I typically could not read the notes the following day, having written them in the dark while half asleep. I thought that if I was going to have to turn the light on, I may as well open the laptop and avoid taking the risk of the resulting bad penmanship while half-awake problem altogether. This solution does not come without its problems, but I seem to enjoy its convenience.

Don’t be a Cheetah!

#1 During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub.”

What would a normal person do to empty the bathtub?

a) use the spoon?
b) use the teacup?
c) use the bucket?
d) other (____________________)

#2 Find the names of 5 planets hidden in the following sentences:

“What hurts?” asked the doctor. “It’s my ear,” the patient cried.
“Steven, use the screwdriver to build those shelves.”
“Everyone takes a turn during Monopoly.”
“Cassie, you ran us over with your bicycle!”
“Sam, arsenic is poisonous. I read the definition in the dictionary.”

#3 The phrase “From the heart” has been known to bring thoughts of love and passion to many. However, if you rearrange the 12 letters, you can come up with two 6 letter words that are opposite of each other, hint – these are words represent a man and a woman. What are those two words?

#4 Four men were in a boat on the lake. The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake, yet not a single man got wet! Why?