CAUTION: The Beverage You Are About to Enjoy May Be Extremely HOT.

“Here, try this. It will probably suck, but it looks like a cool idea.”

That is what Tim said as he handed me the heavy plastic self-heating container. The colorful label promised a rich espresso latte, complete with instructions for use.

Simply turn the container over pop off the bottom of the can, (which is similar to a pull-tab easy open can of soup), and press the bulby bottom of the can in to release the minerals into the water chamber to activate the heating process (all of this is separate from the consumable beverage part of the can). Shake the beverage, flip it over, twist the top and pop the tab.

The Directions were fairly straight forward.

Following these instructions was simple and my self-heating can worked exactly as promised.

Tim pulled the tab on the bottom of his can – the tab broke off leaving the tamper-proof can lid intact and the push-in bulby bottom inaccessible to him. Using a pair of pliers, he pried the lid off and pushed down on the plastic bulb-button to activate the heating process. It pushed in, but nothing happened. No resonating pop, no cracking sound. No heat.

He pressed harder, and the plastic cracked and broke into many pieces; releasing the minerals compound inside into the chamber (where it does not belong), leaking the food coloring and water out of it’s bulb, and in the process burning him. He called the can a f*k*r and began to hammer the container with the pliers.

We looked at this, and agreed that it would probably be unwise to actually DRINK this, wrapped it in a plastic bag and disposed of it. Meanwhile the pink heat dot on my container had turned white – indicating that the beverage was now hot and ready to enjoy.

Innovative. Cool. Convenient. (Not bad… but not exactly a ten on the taste scale).

What Mid-Life Crisis?

Look up “Mid-Life Crisis”, as defined on Wikipedia.

Twice over the last week, while talking to Xero the topic of mid-life crises surfaced.

I remember the first time I ever heard the term “mid-life crisis” was when my mother was talking about a man named Frank, who lived three houses down from us. Frank was in his mid-to-late forties, wore black jeans and black t-shirts (you never saw him in anything else). He drove a black Chevy pick-up, with the large chrome bumper and the black vinyl Tonneau cover (which fits over the bed of the truck) with silver snaps all the way around and a very large Playboy bunny embossed in the center. At the time I was only about ten years old, so Frank seemed like a pretty old guy to me, and I never considered 36 (my age) old enough to be concerned with a mid-life crisis.

Either way, Xero has mentioned on two separate occasions that he felt that his M.L.C. was coming. I told him that I was using a different approach to the concept, and over the last few years I’d been having multiple very small crises, in order to spread them out over an undermined period of time. This not only makes it less stressful for me, but to the general public, it makes me appear as a calmer, more rational person.

If I had any marketing skills whatsoever, I’d write a book based on this practice, convince thousands of people to read it and eventually get the world to adopt it as a religion.

Three Hour Mints

The back of this container reads, eliminates intrinsic breath for up to three hours!” I thought that was an interesting use of the word. I wondered, how many people actually know what it means? ‘intrinsic’ has many vague definitions when you research it on the internet. I thought I’d share a few.

intrinsic

belonging to a thing by its very nature; “form was treated as something intrinsic, as the very essence of the thing”- John Dewey

A sense of value found to rest within the “thing”, whether that “thing” is conceived in the form of a tangible object, idea, or concept. The opposite of intrinsic value is “extrinsic” meaning from outside the “thing”. texas collaborative

During waking hours, I usually drink coffee or something – or eat, so a 3 hour mint is not utilized to its potential. I’m not sure what purpose it serves for a breath mint to work for 3 hours. If you dissolve one just before bed — that makes more sense… Especially considering I would probably wake up after about 3 hours anyway and I’d still be minty.