Do You Mind? I’m Eating Over Here!

I was sitting, minding my own business and eating breakfast. I had carefully selected coffee, oatmeal and turkey bacon; because I love the taste of bacon, but I know it is bad for me. Like I mentioned before, I was merely trying to enjoy my breakfast and mind my own business. A blonde woman begins to tell me how she lost forty seven pounds in thirty days. She was very enthusiastic, and even presented me with a photo of her former self. Indeed, I agreed, what a remarkable change. You should be very proud. I don’t mean to be rude, but I’d like to get back to my breakfast. I ignored her after that.

I turn my attention back to my oatmeal. A man started to tell me about a movie called Rush Hour. He told me it stars Chris Rock and Jackie Chan. He told me about a few of the jokes that are in the movie, and he was nice enough to include the fact that it would be on not once but twice in the next week, and he even knew the exact time it would be playing.

The next person that came by was a woman that insisted that I guess her age. This is always a death trap. I did not want to guess her age. She then amazed me by informing me that she was over fifty. She looked to be in her early thirties. I think it was the lighting or something.

At this point I was trying to decide if I really NEEDED another cup of coffee. I was looking at my empty cup considering this, and I was distracted by a man with a high voice, with a very southern accent. He had a friend with him, who kept referring to him as Gomer. I looked up from my coffee and could not help but notice their skin color. It was unlike anything I had seen on a living person. It was as if the men had no color at all. That is not to say they were transparent, they were actually GRAY. After seeing them I decided I really DID need a refill.

The two gray men left, and two attractive people walked by, boasting promises that if I paid attention to them and stuck around, they would entertain me with current events, traffic reports, the weather forecast, and the latest and greatest breaking news. As intriguing as that offer was, my bowl was empty and my coffee was cold. Not to mention the fact that if I wanted to get anything done today, I was going to have to turn the television off and get moving.

First Attempt

I found a simulation of Lite Brite while randomly visiting different sites today.

This was my first creation with it. It’s not very good, but it was fun to do.

Is This a Test?

I drink too much coffee. While my teeth may appear white at a glance, if you place something white next to them – well… they aren’t so white after all.

After reaching that conclusion, I bought the Crest Night Effects whitening system. In the box there are 14 packets of whitening paste, and 14 little disposable paint brushes. You paint one packet on your teeth and let it dry (takes about 20 seconds) and you sleep with it on your teeth, brushing it off upon waking. Looking at the packets more closely, I noticed that on the packets are small numbers. I assumed that these numbers might be 1-14; one for each night of use. I didn’t think that the contents of each packet differed at all, but they numbered them to help a person keep track of how many they have used.

I picked all of the packets up and searched for the #1. It was not in the there. I lined them up on the bathroom counter and took inventory. I had the following numbers: 2-2-2, 3-3, 4-4-4, 5-5, 6-6, 7-7. That doesn’t make sense. Why are the numbers there? I spent several minutes looking at the packets and wondering what the numbers mean.

Then I got bored, and painted the stuff on my teeth in an attempt to improve their luster.

What type of person leaves a baby in a car?

Man Bolts From Interview, Still Gets Job:

Man Watched His Truck Get Stolen

TACOMA, Wash. — Running out of a job interview won’t usually leave a favorable impression on an employer, but there were special circumstances for a man seeking a job as a cook in Tacoma.

The man bolted Monday when he saw a woman steal his truck, apparently with master keys, while his 6-month-old daughter was sleeping inside.

The father and Nick Delin, one of the two men interviewing him for a job at Big Nick’s Pizza and Pasta, gave chase in the other employer’s sport utility vehicle.

Police arrived shortly after the two caught up with the truck and arrested the driver, who was jailed for investigation of auto theft and first-degree kidnapping.

The baby slept through the whole episode.

Delin says the father will get the job.”

They’re Playing My Song

It was late summer, 1977; I was seven -going on eight- years old. (with my birthday being at the end of August, I thought this was an appropriate time to share this memory). Like many neighborhoods, at least back in those days, all of the kids on our street were allowed to stay out until the street lights came on. (Back then, a parent could pretty much let their kids run around the neighborhood with little fear of sexual predators picking them up.)

Most often, we spent our days playing stick ball in the street, using the mailboxes, lamp posts, or trees in front of the homes as “bases”. Some days, we spent playing kick-ball, or 4-square. We’d play in the street, and in the event that a car was coming, whoever spotted it first called out, “CAR!” and we would scatter like roaches in a dark room when someone turns on the light.

Anyway, one afternoon the “car” happened to be the Ice-Cream Man. We all ran into our homes to get money from our parents, trying to be quick so that we can get back outside before he is gone. It took me a while to convince my mother that I “needed” the ice cream. Everybody else’s mom was letting them buy some. Come’on. Pleeease!

She finally handed me fifty cents (presumed value=gold) and by the time I got back outside the Ice-Cream Man was turning the corner. All of my friends were happily enjoying their ice cream. I ran as fast as I could in the direction the truck went, following the mesmerizing chimes of his song.

He crawled along at the slow-paced speed Ice-Cream trucks are best known for. He stopped in the middle of the block, sold some ice cream to a little girl, and I was running to catch up. I really wanted this ice cream, and I was not going to give up. He pulled away from the curb, and started driving away. (“Wait! Stop! What about ME?!) I was yelling random things pleading with him – to stop.

As I ran along the side of his truck, I could swear that I saw him as he looked at me in his side-view mirror and smiled. Then, he turned off the music, and started to speed up. The sad part is, I started to run faster still hopeful of catching him.

Inspired by somethings I read @ oblivio

Sleepless-ness

I got tired relatively early, it was only midnight. I could no longer keep my eyes open, so I shut this vile machine down, turned out the light and closed my eyes. I fell asleep pretty fast… or at least drifted into that void between awake and asleep.

- floating – ? I guess that is a good word for it.

I was half awake/ half asleep and images were forming around the edges of my brain, none of them particularly memorable.

Then it felt like all of the air got sucked out of the room or like the air was too heavy to breathe; and I had a feeling that something terrible was going to happen.

(It was one of those dreams that once you wake up from it – you can’t remember what you were trying to get away from.)

I remember the struggle to wake up – or at least the start of my trying to wake up. I couldn’t move (of course – that happens to people all the time).

(Still asleep, but dreaming that I was awake)

I reached out to the lamp on my bedside table. I could even feel the ridges of the little knob – the one you twist to turn the light on or off.

click – click – click – click (panic)

I think I actually yelled out – ‘f~¢k’.

I tried to push myself up off of the mattress, and again I couldn’t move. Laying on my stomach. Being held down by something unseen.

I KNOW I called out, “I can’t wake up!. I can’t wake up!” – and then

(still dreaming)

I leapt out of the bed – towards the stairs (which my home does not have, and which were on the wrong side of the bed from the side I had been laying, trying to turn on the light). — Standing at the top of the stairs, it was totally dark.

Blacker than black dark. I couldn’t even see moonlight through the spaces between the blinds type of dark. No light from any of the digital clocks, no glow from the indiglo light in the bathroom… NOTHING. Nothing but a sound that smoke might make, if we were able to hear it.

Whoosh – hiss hiss*.

(I am not afraid of the dark, but I think that anybody – whether or not they have a fear of it – would rather be able to see if they found themselves in an unfamiliar place).

I yelled out something else (don’t know what)… and then I finally managed to force myself awake. I looked at the clock and it was 12:57. I closed my eyes again and within a few minutes more distorted images and shapes danced behind my eyelids. For some reason I found them disturbing. I got out of bed and got a drink of water. I still can’t reclaim sleep.

Since I woke myself up screaming /? Whatever it was… the cat has been glued to me. Right now, I’m laying on my back with 2 pillows under my head and the laptop – on my lap. The cat is ON my right arm, which makes it very difficult to type. He is purring loudly and no matter how much I try to shake him off of me he won’t budge.

* While typing this, I recalled a (meant-to-be-humorous) radio-show that I heard as a child – It was on a vinyl record narrated by Arch Oebler. He told a story in which “The Dark” turns people inside-out. It did this by grabbing their upper lip, jerking up up with a quick rip and then peeling it back… (complete with a voice-acting cast and sound effects. It is funny to me now — scary to me as a child).

According to the Internet…

The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

Does this disturb anyone else as much as it does me? Don’t you think that if spiders were actually venturing into our beds, creeping up our pillows and onto our faces that there would be some chance that at some point we’d find a dead or squashed spider who did not complete his mission to be ingested?

I Met Jimmy Stewart at the Grocery Store.

I was standing in line at register 13. I chose #13 simply because it had the shortest line. As I was waiting, I overheard fragments of conversations people were having. Several times, I turned around, thinking that I heard my name being called.

At one point, I heard, “Aaron! Hi! It’s been a LONG TIME!” I turned to see an older man standing behind me. He was talking to “Erin” who was in the line at register 12. The man looked at me and smiled. He was tall and thin, with white hair. He looked EXACTLY like an old Jimmy Stewart.

The lines all moved at a painfully slow speed. “All looks healthy but for that bag o’ Doritos, son,” said “Mr. Stewart”. He even SOUNDED like Jimmy Stewart. I looked at him, and (for no particular reason) shuffled the items in the cart around, “Yah, you’re right. The Doritos aren’t for me, though”

I’m not sure why I felt the need to even explain this, whether or not the Doritos were for me. It is possible that I wanted to remind myself that now that I am eating healthy — the Doritos were one item in the cart that I won’t be enjoying.

Who is he to even be inspecting the groceries in my cart, anyway?

And I Thought I was Organized…

I keep forgetting small things. I went to the grocery store to get fruit, milk, bread and steaks. I came home with a few extra items, but still forgot to get the bread.

Almost everyone at some point in their lives has walked into a room and immediately forgotten why they are in the room. I seem to do that a lot lately. I walk into the kitchen, and forget why I am there. I remember fairly quickly once I am there, but the seconds that I stand there trying to figure it out add up.

Today, I decided to bathe Dog. I have a small attachment that connects to the sink faucet, that lets me attach the garden hose to it. (So the dog won’t have to suffer with cold hose water – I’m just nice like that).

Anyway, Now, he smells like Herbal Essence shampoo (Remarkable improvement over the dog that has been outside smell). He feels better than he did before the bath. The problem is, now that he is dry I realize I don’t have any Frontline flea and tick drops to put on him now that he is clean. I just took the dog to the vet three weeks ago. I was there again with the porky cat last week. I forgot to get the Frontline both times.

I wonder where my mind is lately?