Thanks to Kate for the slogan link…
-Here are some of my results:
-The Good Pero Kids Go For. [I could get arrested for that, I think.]
-Hungry? Why Wait? Grab a Pero. [Giddy-up!]
-The Pero That Likes To Say Yes. [Yes. Yes. and Yes.]
-If Only Everything in Life was as Reliable as a Pero.
People say cats are smarter than dogs. They don’t come when you call them. They have civilized waste elimination habits. They don’t eat their own puke.
This morning, I came home, let the dog out, filled his water dish, gave him some food. Fed the cat, who comes running out of the mud room where his automated litter box is, dropping some clingers along the way. Great… just how I wanted to spend the moments before I make my breakfast.
The cat eats. He stands. He BURPS. [yes, really]. I look at him, waiting to see if he is going to do what I suspect he is going to do. He does. He coughs, and with force he gives back part of his breakfast.
Then… he looks at it and eats it.
Cats are smarter than dogs?
I was in some branch of service [I guess - ? - since there was a group of us wearing cammoflage]. Our enemy was of the domestic variety [meaning they were Americans like myself]. I was one of several being ‘hunted’ or ‘tracked’ by some woman and her ‘army’. I don’t remember why they were after us, or what caused them to want to hunt us or anything.
All of the other people disappeared. I don’t know if they were captured or if they escaped. I managed to hide out in the basement of a large house. [cinder block walls, unfinished ceiling, exposed pipes and air ducts - the works]. She knew I was down there. She flooded the basement nearly to the ‘ceiling’. I was hanging onto some pipes; trying to stay in the air pocket that formed between some rafters and the ceiling.
Eventually [several hours in dreamtime] most of them left; with the exception of one of the women who was left behind to see if I turned up. [of course like nearly every woman in dreams she is extremely beautiful]. I decided to look to see if it was safe for me to try to get out of the basement and flee. She spots me and told me that I am the only one who managed to hide so well, and tells me how to escape. She then kissed me passionately, and left.
I managed to get to the stairs – and up to the door that lead to the rest of the house. I walked through the door but I cannot find the front or back door of the house. I ended up in a bedroom, [which is now seemingly decorated exactly like one of the guest rooms at my grandparents' lake house where I spent a lot of time as a child].
I hid under the bed, where I stayed for two days. [again with the dream time -- I only assume that it had been 2 days lapse]. Someone entered the house, I could hear them talking but I could not tell which direction they were coming from. I sensed that they were coming towards the room I am in. It is THEM. The enemies. They found me, and tied me up and questioned me. They offered to give me food and water if I would cooperate with them. They wanted to know who I workd for, and who my family members are. They threatened me, but I did not say anything. Then the leader [and her small clan of goons] left again.
The woman that was there before returned, and she untied me and told me to run. I walked around and found what looked like a front door, and when I stepped through I was back in the basement, where the water level had dropped to about 5 feet. I was trying to move through it without making too much noise, and I heard people coming again. I ducked under the water.
…and then I woke up.
In a world where a person can not only download just about any software he or she could ever want; but also obtain serial numbers, cracks, and registration codes – all FREE… you would think some of these companies would appreciate it more when somebody actually DOES purchase one of their products.
Today, I purchased a program for the Pocket PC; it was $16.95. Registration was simple enough – online with a secure server. [or so they say. We will know when I get my next statement IF it has a few hundred dollars worth of purchases from places I have never been.]
In less than five minutes I had a registration code, and entered that code into my Pocket PC. In return, the Pocket PC chimed and exclaimed “Congratulations!”.
Not “Thank you for your purchase”. Not “We appreciate your ingegrity in actually paying for what you could have obtained for free on Limewire, i-Mesh or your choice of many theivery programs!” Not… “Gee Whiz, Thanks!, Pero, you honest dog, you!” It said “congratulations!” As if by giving them my $16.95, I have done myself a worldly favor. What is up with that?
…but there are bugs in my food.
We have all heard about the government allowing a certain level of ‘insect pieces’ in ‘snickers’ candy bars. My friend Sherry e-mailed me a link to this site – detailing what else is allowed in our food. [Do NOT go here if you are really freaked out over the snickers thing.]
While it may make you uncomfortable to know this – I actually thought about it today and this is what my conclusion was.
We all know that crops are going to have insects – this is a fact of life on earth. Either you are for insecticides as a method of prevention, or you are a Whole Foods person who would rather have the bugs than the chemicals. Even with the use of insecticides, there is still going to be some level of insects that remain. This is also a fact of life on earth.
The FDA is aware that the bugs are there. This is why they set up regulations that rule the levels that are acceptable. While I am not pleased to know that my morning oatmeal may include fragments of bugs or ‘insect matter’… I am glad that the govermnent is controlling how much of it is there. I will just have to try to not think about it or I will surely starve to death.
This is for all of my ‘friends’ who call me and ask me to come fix their computers on a regular basis.
Thank you for calling Pero’s Technical Support. Apparently I am now available as early as 6: 30 a.m. on a Sunday.
Call me when you know I have the day off and start talking the moment I grumble a very tired, obviously annoyed, “hello.” Act surprised at the expression in my voice, and ask me “Did I wake you up? Weren’t you going to get an early start today?”, since it is not your fault that you weren’t listening when I sat at your house last night and stated that I was going to sleep until ten then get up and go to the pharmacy and run other errands.
Ask me when I plan to “come over to fix this”; then start ranting [loudly], about lights that are out, and how the other lights are working before you even give a me some idea of what lights you are talking about. Don’t bother to ask me if I’m coherant enough to help you trouble shoot your cable modem.
I am here to serve you. Completely Free of Charge, on my own time.
I am your primary support provider, even though it makes more sense to try to at least call the cable company to see if they report any areas being without service. Don’t worry about that phone number they gave you on their booklets that came with your cable modem and service troubleshooting guide.
I will gladly get out of bed three hours before the time I had planned to, walk down the hall to the room where network is and look at my modem to tell you that I also have no signal.
I’m more than happy to remind you [four times] that I can hear you fine and ask you to keep yelling into the phone anyway. Please, continue to speak loudly, despite the fact that I mentioned that this telephone is loud and has no volume control. Keep coughing into the receiver, so it ampiflies enough that I am now holding the phone eight inches from my head; for the moment despising you for disturbing what little sleep I had managed to get since I crawled into bed at two thirty this morning.
Be assured that I’ll kindly report that once I eat breakfast and shower I’ll stop by before doing any of the stuff that was on my list that I needed to do. Your needs come before mine. You are the only thing that matters in my world. I wouldn’t dream of leaving you stranded without the internet on a Sunday, being forced to sit around spending time with your husband and kid. I would never want you to go through that.
Most of all, thank you for letting me spend the morning working on your system rather than spending it with my child.
Of course, I cannot post this at this time. I don’t have a cable connection either. Thank you so much for calling and waking me up on the one day I didn’t have to get up before nine.
Thank you for calling Pero’s Technical Assistance. It is now six thirty in the morning on Sunday. How may I help you?
Ok so someone has a sense of humor. I checked my e-mail this morning and there was a quickie from “Q”, who sent me a comment made by somebody on that chicken paprika recipe site I mentioned in this post. It is the recipe site with the comments. Some schmo not only used this site to proposition me, but he also posted a personal ad there. I’m sure it will soon be ‘gone’ so I screen captured it. [I will have to find the gif]. I was too amused to let this go completely without recognition.
As much as I hate to dissapoint my fans…
1] No, I am not gay. [Not that there's anything wrong with it.] But I’m sure if you keep posting personal ads to Hungarian Chef sites you have a very small chance of getting lucky.
2] If you insist on posting personal ads, you might try doing so on sites where people are looking or a partner, and not Eastern European recipes.
Just a suggestion.
Every once in a while, I do some checking to see who my referring sites are. There are some that I did not know about, and I want to first say “Thanks!”, then let you know I plan to update the blogroll soon and will add you to it.
Second : can somebody please tell me…
How I got my recipe listed on a list of “breasts” pr0n sites?
When I woke up this morning, [for whatever reason] the first thing I thought of was:
“ThERe iz tEW much pepp-UR in my Pap-ri-KASH,” as it was stated by Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally.
I have never eaten Paprikash. I did not really know what exactly was in it, other than Paprika, as deductive reasoning suggests looking at the name. I also made the uneducated guess that it would have tomato sauce, some type of pasta and possibly chicken.
I walked around the house, mumbling “ThERe iz tEW much pepp-UR in my Pap-ri-KASH” while I made the coffee. [wav]
“ThERe iz tEW much pepp-UR in my Pap-ri-KASH”, WTF is Paprikash anyway?
So, I looked into it. and came across this:
Ok, so there is a paprikash dot com. Weird enough to make a site for only that, and it has no other way to go anywhere but that ONE page. This recipe included a Fudgecicle in the ingredients, so I put it in the “mmmmm… No!” pile without further consideration.
This one I found amusing, because this recipe site gives the opportunity for people to leave remarks / or comments about the recipe. This recipe was for “Microwave Chicken Paprikash” and becuse I know that the comments might eventually dissappear I linked the above with the recipe, and pasted the only comments for it below.
An Unknown Chef wrote: Christ Oh Mighty, If you are a Chef? You should get the Death Chamber. How dare you do that to a great dish. I will never look in your web site.:
2002-12-09Hungarian Chef wrote: Youve done something horrible to such a great dish.. Csirke Paprikas is a great dish, and one of the main ingredients is the love and patience that goes into every hour that it simmers,, youve taken the national dish of hungary and turned it into a horrible wannabe american fast food.. shame on you :
2002-12-30pero wrote: Ok, so I am not a chef, and I am not Hungarian. I do not generally cook in the microwave – I think that as Hungarian Chefs, you should already know how to make this without looking for a recipe. It seems like it has simple enough ingredients. Leave the microwave cooking souls alone and why not post the ‘right way to make it’ for us?:
2003-01-05
Yes, I really did post that, and even used a valid email address [yahoo's but valid just the same]. I am standing by for responses.
This [the site URL ends in .hu, so I guess that is in Hungary - or the domain name suggests that it is]. It does not suggest that you melt a Fudgecicle into the pot. So if I were to make it I would probably use this recipe as my foundation and change it to my liking.
It would seem I have been “assigned” a creative writing project. LT posted his, and seems to have confidence that I can come up with …
10 Resolutions that should be relatively easy to keep:
1] I will make transition from notepads and post-its to the Pocket PC, hopefully by the end of the month. [right now, I am writing paper lists of things to enter into the Pocket PC... which defeats the purpose of having it.]
2] I will continue to forget to request ‘no mayonnaise’ on my fast food sandwiches, then proceed to bitch about it but eat it anyway.
3] I will attempt to wake up in time on Sundays to catch the cheap bastard that keeps swiping my newspaper.
4] I will investigate and solve the banana in the toilet mystery.
5] I will drink more coffee per day than the average person does in a week, in order to work more and sleep less.
6] I will share music I have obtained illegally, even though I do make an effort to purchse cds of groups I have stolen multiple songs from.
7] I will eat MORE CHEESE.
8] I will lie awake at night, hoping for sleep. The sleep I do manage to get will be fragmented and filled with bizarre dreams, which I will analyze openly via the blog.
9] I will waste an astonishing amount of time [hours upon hours] in front of the computer trying to come up with anything worth writing about.
10] Since I started this project at 8:57 pm on 3 Jan, and finally got to #10 at 1:48 am on 4 Jan… I obviously need to work on improving the skills mentioned in #9.
