-|Stories Inspired by : The Word-a-Lizer|-
Saturday, May 31, 2003word challenge: collections | tonsils | quirky
Herbert entered the building reluctantly. He had doubts about sitting and talking with a bunch of strangers. He just didn't see how it would help his situation. But he'd promised his girlfriend that he would give it a try.
There it was. A sign on the door identified it... "Collections Anonymous".
He took a deep breath, and opened the door.
He was greeted by a lady wearing (what he hoped was) a boufant, blonde wig. She directed him towards the chairs at the far end of the room. They were arranged in a semi-circle; several of the chairs were already filled.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, as he walked toward the chairs. "I see you've brought a bag with you! I hope that's part of your collection! We LOVE to see what other people collect!"
"A quirky group..." he thought to himself. "This could be interesting."
He found his seat, and waited for the meeting to begin.
At precisely 8:00PM, the wig lady started the meeting. She turned to Herbert, and asked that he introduce himself to the group.
He stood. "Hi. My name is Herbert. I work over at the hospital, doing maintenance and clean up. I really like my job; mostly 'cause it gives me access to the most fascinating things."
All eyes were on him. He decided he liked this "group" thing. The wig lady encouraged him to share what was in his bag.
Slowly, and with great care, Herbert lifted the jar out of his bag. He held the jar up... so that everyone could see.
"OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT????" the wig lady screamed.
"Tonsils, of course. I collect tonsils!"
posted by Deb on 6:05 PM[link to this story!]
* * * * * * * * * * Wednesday, May 21, 2003word challenge: flatulence | dischord | self denial
Helen loved milk. In fact, she drank a glass EVERY day without fail. The fact that she was lactose intolerant didn't seem to bother her. It did bother her room-mates though. The milk didn't cause stomach cramps... it caused Helen to have gastrointestinal distress....which manifested itself in a most odiferous manner. A fog of fumes filled Helen's home most evenings. Her roomies were afraid to light matches.
One brave room-mate talked to her about the situation. Helen admitted to feeling bad about her problem, but the next day, was seen drinking milk. Ginger lost it. "Your FLATULENCE is making us all crazy! It is causing DISCHORD within our home! You are in serious SELF-DENIAL! Stop drinking MILK!"
Helen started to cry. She turned and ran up the stairs. Unfortunately... jogging up the stairs is NOT a good thing to do - when you are full of gas.
posted by pero on 11:41 AM[link to this story!]
* * * * * * * * * *word challenge: thongs | compliance | water torture
The ship was filled, mast to stern with literally hundreds of them. They had worked all year on their bodies, getting them to the perfect shape that they were. Day by day they ate and ate and ate . The Fabulous Fatties were once again ready for their annual cruise to The Bahamas; they scrambled aboard, excited and ready to begin their feast-packed journey
The morning the ship departed, Percival realized that he had left his sea legs somewhere else; as he felt very green. He leaned over the Starboard rail and let it all go. By 'it' we are kindly referring to "all he could eat" from the breakfast buffet earlier in the morning.
Unfortunately, the chosen side was not only windward, but also an upper deck. The deck below was holding a contest featuring thongs and turtle wax. The contestants were throttled with all the lovliness of what remained of Percival's Eggs Benedict, smoked salmon and other sundries of cruise food.
Shocked and appalled the Cabin Steward grabbed the ship's fire hose, and attempted to aleviate our guests from the coating of cuisine. The Fabulous Fatties began to slide around, since the Turtle Wax was preventing the water from wetting the deck, causing a slip and slide of terror. The pressure of the water from the hose was so fierce that the fatties flab began flapping, sending them all flailing about helplessly. In her attempts to relieve the poor fatties, she had managed to subject them to vigorous water-torture.
The next day, the remaining fatties lined up at weigh in, a necessary daily event in order for them to avoid being thrown to the sharks. Poor Percival, his recent evacuation of content caused him to fall under weight, and out of compliance.
posted by pero on 11:39 AM[link to this story!]
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